So you’ve finally got an interview for that perfect job – it’s time to prep some perfect answers. There are always a few sticky questions, like this age-old nasty: “Tell us what your faults are.”

If only I’d had Mary MacLane’s advice on honesty, last time I was sitting in the sweaty chair. Here’s what she had to say:

I am a thief.

It has been suggested to me that I am a kleptomaniac. But I am sure my mind is perfectly sane. I have no such excuse. I am a plain, down-right thief.

This is only one of my peculations. I steal money, or anything that I want, whenever I can, nearly always. It amuses me – and one must be amused.

I have only two stipulations: that the person to whom it belongs does not need it pressingly, and that there is not the slightest chance of being found out.

It would be extremely inconvenient to be known as a thief, merely.

When the world knows you are a thief it blinds itself completely to your other attributes. It calls you a thief, and there’s an end. I am a genius as well as a thief – but the world would quite overlook that fact.

“A thief’s a thief,” says the world. That is very true. But the mere fact of being a thief should not exclude the consideration of one’s other traits. When the world knows you are a Methodist minister, for instance, it will admit that you may also be a violinist, or a chemist, or a poet, and will credit you therefore. And so if it condemns you for being a thief, it should at the same time admire you for being a genius.

If it does not admire you for being a genius, then it has no right to condemn you for being a thief.

The Story About Mary MacLane by Herself plays from 4 April – for more info or to book, click here.